Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
