I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
