real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
