You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
