Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
