Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
