So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
