I wish I only lived at night.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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