And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize