I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I FOUND THE LEGS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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