I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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