Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
