Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
