I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
