Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
