I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i now understand why vodka
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
