i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
