We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
