honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize