There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
