yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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