just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
