I'm going to jail i love you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
