I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
