Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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