and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
