why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
