i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
