Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
