I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
