I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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