The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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