How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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