Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
