Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
