I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize