I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
