She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
