i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
