is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
