I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
