He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
