who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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