Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
