I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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