Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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