Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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