Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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