whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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