Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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