I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
