she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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