do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
