yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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