I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
