I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
