So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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