I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it because I queefed?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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