when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
