lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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