I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
