Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
