fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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