Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
