just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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