i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
