a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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