But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
