okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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