Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i drank out of a bidet.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
