HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
