I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
