At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And then my night got REAL pukey
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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