so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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