Having a random hookup so left but love u
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
