I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
