I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
