My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
